day 83

Its okay that I can't have it all, because I don't need it all. Its like those people who have 64567 tv channels, which they can't possibly watch all at the same time. You don't need them, and thats what it really boils down to. If you have it all, you probably don't have what you need, and what you need is what matters. I'm obviously surviving just fine without all the frivolous things I want, and I'm happy because I have what I need. Of course I want more though, its only human to never be satisfied with what I have. The biggest deceptions are things we convince ourselves of-- I'll be happy when I get that job or buying those shoes will complete me. It takes time to realize that the truth is right in front of us, the glass is always going to be half full no matter how bottomless it seems. We are always going to want more.

day 82

I hate hate hate hate it, but no one can have it all. Maybe for a second or two, but its not worth anything if you can't make it last right? I'm not sure if I would like to have everything for just a moment, and have it taken away; or to just never get it all ever. One has to be less painful right? I think that I couldn't handle it all if I had the opportunity. What would I do? If I had it all what, would it really be worth? I guess these are the easy questions, because the more I think about it, the less I know what "all of it" even is. Its nothing; its a feeling, its a second, its a blip of an almost, its something I can't have.

no ones got it all.

day 81

We are all so convinced that our individual pain is worse than everyone else's pain. Truth is, we have no idea what anyone else is going through. Even when someone spills their guts, tells you everything, you still don't feel it. That doesn't mean that you don't want to feel it, we all have some desire for apathy. It doesn't matter what you want though, because you can't get it, someone else's pain is never going to be your pain. Ever.

day 80

Since when do I have to try so hard? I know, I know, I should always be trying, but seriously I hate working for something when I don't have any idea what the pay off will be. I can't be expected to work towards nothing right? Thats just as dumb as working in the first place. All I want to do is be happy, lazy, and satisfied. But i'm not satisfied if I have no goals, or if my goals are unattained so I keep working and working towards whatever strange goal I have at the moment. I guess you could say i'm just really frustrated.