day 46

I need to do this, because it is not okay. I want things to be alright, and I want to forgive you. But I can't. I just can't understand you. I know that nobody can always do the right thing, and that people get hurt sometimes, I really do. Not everything you do can be forgiven. So I hope you understand that this isn't the end, but there is no such thing as a fresh start. You don't get to have one, you don't deserve one. Maybe I won't always be around for you. I want to be, but you have made it too hard. I don't want to pretend that things are alright between us, and I don't want to be a bad friend to you. So what am I supposed to do when nothing can be done by me? Its frustrating and infuriating. I am not two people.

I thought that I would feel better after we talked, but I feel worse. I am not someone you can take for granted, I am not someone who always forgives and forgets, or even forgives. Let me put it this way; there are lines that are obviously not to be crossed, you crossed the lines and expected something from me that cannot be given. I am very sorry because I do not know what to do and how to feel. But mostly I am sorry because you can no longer give me the answers to the questions friends have. I apologize if your actions were because of me. I apologize if they weren't. I'd like to finish this off by saying that I hope everything you have done to me was worth one night. You got what you wanted right?