day 57

I try to do what I think is right. Yes, that doesn't mean that everyone around me is happy all the time, nor does it mean that I am happy. In fact, I am miserable. I just don't know how to understand everything that is going on in my life right now. Maybe that is frustrating to others, but honestly I shouldn't have to answer to someone else. I am my own control, so when people tell me that it is wrong to do what I felt reasonable, I think that it is strange. I mean really, people need to take what they can get and be happy. If we ask for more, and keep trying to take and take, any efforts become futile and useless. There comes a point when I am stuck in retrograde. I see everything happening before my eyes, and I try and want to understand and solve everything, but I realize that I cannot do it alone. I hope that I am not alone, but I cannot help but feel what I have been fearing.

"I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul. "

-William Earnest Henley